


Ghost of You

by Aki_Wolf



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F, F/M, My First Fanfic, Original Character-centric, Originally Posted on Tumblr, POV Original Character, Past Relationship(s), Past endgame, song-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 04:50:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19805101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aki_Wolf/pseuds/Aki_Wolf
Summary: If I can dream long enoughYou'd tell me I'd be just fineI'll be just fineWe'll be fine. That what you always said, while smiling at me. I only understand now that you didn't only said it to assure me but to assure you, to give yourself something to believe in. Maybe you were right, maybe we could have been okay.After Natashas death her girl-/boyfriend writes a letter to her to say goodbey.





	Ghost of You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi,  
> my Name is Lina, this is my second fanfiction I ever wrote and the first one I'll post on the internet so please be gentle. Still criticsm and comments are highly appreciated. Also English isn't my first language so sorry for any grammatical errors. The Song is Ghost of you by 5 Seconds of Summer. Enjoy!  
> PS: This is my sisters account just so you know.

_Here I am waking up_  
_Still can't sleep on your side_

  
Funny, you never actually slept in this bed and still...  
Actually the bed you slept in for the past five years was destroyed by him, destroyed like so many other things. So many other things on the long list of stuff that is missing from my life now. But if you never slept in this bed then how does it feel so empty without you? Like you were always supposed to be there. Maybe you were. Maybe we were supposed to be there for each other, to heal each other. It worked, I guess for a while, it worked.

  
_There's your coffee cup_  
_The lipstick stain fades with time._

  
I remember the exact shade of red you always wore, I bought it just to have something to remind me of you. You hated it but you still put it on, it took me quite a while to understand that it was your kind of protection. As long as you looked flawless in front of everyone nobody would suspect how broken you were, how damaged. Broken by the world, so many times again and again. As a child as a teenager as a woman. I could never put all the pieces back together, I guess that it was an impossible task in the first place, knowing now that some pieces weren't even there anymore.

  
_If I can dream long enough_  
_You'd tell me I'd be just fine_  
_I'll be just fine_

  
We'll be fine. That what you always said, while smiling at me. I only understand now that you didn't only said it to assure me but to assure you, to give yourself something to believe in. Maybe you were right, maybe we could have been okay. With time and much patience maybe you could have healed like some of your friends did. Maybe we would have been okay, maybe we would have been fine. I'm not at all fine now, without you I'm not even a little bit fine.

  
_So I drown it out like I always do_  
_Dancing through our house_  
_With the ghost of you_

  
You remember how you taught him to dance. He told us the story of his first love so many times and it annoyed you so you taught him. You looked gorgeous. Of course you did you were always gorgeous and you danced for years after all, but still. On that evening when you were dancing with him when he stepped on your feet again and again, god he was a really terrible dancer, but you taught him with so much patience. I remember you laughed and how you smiled when he finally got it right. God it was the most beautiful thing in the whole universe.

  
_And I chase it down_  
_With a shot of truth_  
_Dancing through our house_  
_With the ghost of you_

  
I miss you. Every damn minute of every damn day. And I know you'd want me to go on, to continue without you, but you were always the stronger one of us. You were always fighting, always giving everything for the people you cared about, until the very end.

  
_Cleaning up today_  
_Found that old Zeppelin shirt_  
_You wore when you ran away_  
_And no one could feel your hurt_

  
You remember? You remember that damn shirt? God I loved that shirt. You told me it belonged to an old friend of yours one you missed. I remember asking what had happened to him. And there was that smile again that smile when you were happy and sad at the same time. You told me that he was okay, that he was happy and had a family and that he didn't need you anymore. Back then I didn't understand I do now.

  
_We're too young, too dumb_  
_To know things like love_  
_But I know better now_  
_(Better now)_

  
God there are so many things I understand now. I wish I would have earlier, I wish you would have told me. But you were to nice to do that to damn nice to put any of your pain on me. Cause you knew I would have tried everything to make you happy and you knew that I would hurt myself while doing it. So you kept your mouth shut. I hate you for that.

  
_So I drown it out like I always do_  
_Dancing through our house_  
_With the ghost of you_

  
The week after it happened I always expected you to just show up again. To just stand in front of my door someday and apologise for being late and for scaring me so much. I expected to find you laying beside me in bed when I woke up in the morning. I just couldn't accept that you weren't there anymore.

  
_And I chase it down_  
_With a shot of truth_

  
But you never came and after a while the realisation settled in and with that the nightmares came. You remember how I always told you it were just dreams and that it was over now whenever you had one. Now I know better. Some nightmares don't end. I dream of you of us and at some point you just disappear you don't come back and when I wake up I want to wrap you in my arms but you're not there you're nowhere. It's like a on going nightmare, the thing is, I won't ever wake up and just be okay again. I won't be fine again.

  
_Dancing through our house_  
_With the ghost of you_  
_Too young, too dumb_  
_To know things like love_  
_Too young, too dumb_  
_So I drown it out like I always do_  
_Dancing through our house_  
_With the ghost of you_

  
I remember how I told you I'm falling in love with you, you got really quiet and then you told me that I shouldn't, that you weren't good enough for me, that you were broken and I had no idea what kind of person I was falling for. You were right, I had absolutely no idea back then, if I would have known, god if I would have known that I was falling in love with a woman that was broken and damaged to the point where she would probably never be completely okay again, god I would have done so many things different. I would have told you every day how much I loved you and I would have fought with you as hard as I could. I would have shown you how loved you are not only by me but by all your friends and I would have kicked their asses for their behaviour. I would have done everything to make you happy. I know that that is the reason why you didn't let me say it and why you never said it yourself. But that's okay I never minded, deep down I knew.

  
_And I chase it down_  
_With a shot of truth_  
_That my feet don't dance_  
_Like they did with you_

  
So here I am know. In a house you knew so well. Clint invited me here. To his farm, I remember how you told me about it and about Laura and the kids, you were right they are amazing. I wish I could have seen you with them, I wish I could have seen you with all of your friends. I also met Bruce about a week ago. He's alright, still doing his science stuff. It was nice talking to someone who loved you like I did...like I do. And Steve, in the end he did get his dance so your training wasn't wasted and your hurting feet not for nothing. He's is happy I guess. He got to be happy. I also went to visit Pepper, she misses you too, you never told me you knew her. I asked her if she wanted Tony's old shirt back but she told me that it was more yours than his anyway and that he would want me to have it so I kept it, I wear it to bed sometimes. Anyway, Clint told me I could stay as long as I wanted but I don't think that'll be much longer. It's nice here but no matter how many people are there It's not the same without you. I don't know what will come next to be honest, I'm feeling lost since your not here. I guess I just have to figure something out just like you always did.  
Before I forget, I know I said I always knew that you loved me but thanks for telling Clint so he could make sure of it, I wish you could have told me yourself. Well It's dinner time so I guess I have to go. I miss you Nat and I can't wait to see you again one day, wait for me will you Sweetheart. Love you, miss you.

**_In memory of Natalia Alianovna Romanoff the reason why everything could happen the way it did._ **


End file.
